At the Cellular Level
by alliesings
Summary: Set post the season 3 episode POV. In an alternate alternate reality, the other Jack didn't die, but has he suffered an even worse fate? Rated for the epilog.
1. Love Hopes All Things

Category: Romance, Alternate Alternate Universe

Paring: Sam/Jack

Summary_: In the episode "Point of View," Daniel saw an alternate Sam who was still a Captain. She was waiting for Jack to come back from an alternate alternate reality, where there was at least one big difference.  
_

Author's Note: Many thanks to Ron, Rachel, and Bekah for their helpful beta comments. Thanks to Sue for her help and editing and of course for first publishing this in her zine.

**Prologue - Captain Samantha Carter**

The last few days have been very strange. I'm watching me, but she's not me. She came from a world where she was married. Married to him. Another him. Knowing the theoretical science behind alternate realities doesn't even begin to ease the emotions when confronted with them.

They sure are standing close. Daniel just cleared his throat. He said that he saw another reality where I looked like me, but it didn't say Captain on my uniform. I had been kind of worried, because I thought I'd seen him. It must have been another him looking for another me, because he'd looked like he was happy to find me, but then looked closer; then he shook his head and turned the dial. That's a real mind blower.

I am amazed at the nuances of difference between the realities. Another Daniel was looking for another me, who was wearing a different uniform. That me must have sent her Jack with another me back to save a reality very similar to our Doctor Carter's Oh, boy!

This line of reasoning is giving me a headache, but I'm trying to think of anything instead of what I'm watching. He looks like he's going to kiss her. NOT FAIR! He can kiss her, but I can't kiss him. She's probably whispering his name, not his rank, as she tilts her head. No!

I don't want to watch, but he's sliding his arms around her. I cross my arms in front of me. He's clutching her arms? He looks like he's convulsing.

"Cascade tremor!" I yell, knowing that he can't hear me.

She steadies him, then practically pushes him toward the mirror. He comes through and uses my arm to steady himself. He gulps a breath. "He's still alive!"

**The SGA -- Doctor Samantha Carter**

"This is hard -- good-bye for a second time."

"It's the first time."

No! I look down, not able to look into his eyes for a moment. "It doesn't feel that way to me. You have to understand. My Jack had the same face, same voice, same hands."

"Which brings to mind an obvious question. How could you marry such a looser?"

I smile, but it's a bitter sweetness. It's the last time I'll laugh at his sense of humor. I look to Daniel, and past him to my Air Force counterpart. "Thank You." I hope that she realizes what a help she has been to me, and that I appreciate her sharing her Jack with me for these few days.

I feel his arms encircle me. Knowing I will never feel this again, I tremble.

I look into his eyes. He's trembling, too. He grips my arms. He's convulsing! "Cascade tremor?" I can barely speak. Can that really mean. . . "He's still alive!" I shout, almost pushing him back towards his reality and his Sam.

**Chapter 1: Love Hopes All Things**

Rushing into the corridor, I nearly collided with my husband's best friend. "Charlie, he's alive!"

"Who? How?" Charlie firmly took my arms. "Sam, what do you mean? How do you know?"

"Jack -- the other Jack -- had a cascade tremor. That wouldn't have happened so soon unless -- he must be alive somehow."

He looked at me like I had finally snapped. "Sam, we saw him get hit point-blank with a staff weapon."

"Right before they blew up the camera. We didn't really see him after he fell. Maybe they just left him for dead. He may be dying somewhere." I twisted out of his grasp to find General Hammond.

Someone had to believe me.

Charlie followed, giving me space, but not leaving me alone. Hammond was busy at a computer in the control room when I found him.

"Jack's alive!" I blurted.

Hammond looked past me. "Kawalsky, is that true?"

"I don't know, Sir." I could tell that his protectiveness was warring with realism. "Apparently the other Jack had one of those tremors."

"Cascade tremors." I said, shivering at the thought. "That shouldn't have happened so soon unless Jack is somehow still here. We need to find him. We need to get him help. If he was hiding from Jaffa, he could be anywhere, and he might not realize that he doesn't have to hide anymore. Please!"

Tears welling in my eyes, I turned to Charlie as I had countless times in the last few days.

"Doctor. . .Sam, could there be any explanation at all other than the one you just gave me?" Hammond was compassionate but firm. He wasn't ready to believe me.

"I don't. . ." I squeezed my eyes shut. In some ways, Hammond had been like a father to me even before my dad had died. My feelings were an eerie echo of the day of my mother's funeral. My dad had come to my room to give me his brave soldier talk. If only he had come to me and let me grieve. If he had let me be a little girl, then maybe I could have had the confidence to grow up into someone braver like Captain Carter. I could have saved my Jack, even if it meant we couldn't be...

I made myself stand tall, like an officer, like my dad taught me, and took a deep breath. "He is alive, and he needs our help."

Hammond walked over to a phone, and tried out the P.A. system. "Attention. Colonel O'Neill, if you are alive, please respond. If there is no way for you to communicate, then try to get yourself into the open so we can find you. The mountain is secure. Repeat, the mountain is secure."

Charlie had found three walkie-talkies; he gave one to Hammond and one to me. "There are just the three, or four, of us; so this'll be easier than the P.A. system."

As we approached the elevator, I willed Jack to hang on. We were going to the scene of his last stand -- or at least his last so far.

I stepped into the elevator and uneasily eyed the small screen that indicated we were rising. When the doors opened, I was assaulted by the stench of death. Blinking rapidly, I was still unable to keep the smoke from stinging my eyes; and I stepped back, afraid that I would find Jack among the BDU-clad corpses.

"I can't. . .I can't" I withdrew further until I hit the back of the elevator.

Charlie put a reassuring hand on my shoulder. "I'll go."

I nodded. "I'll wait for you on level eighteen."

Charlie stepped off the elevator and began carefully stepping through the carnage. I pressed the eighteen button, and dully watched the doors close. Although I've been in the elevator countless times, my breath caught when the elevator lurched. When the doors finally opened and I stepped off onto level eighteen, I was greeted by an eerie stillness.

"Charlie?" I asked into the radio, mostly to break the silence.

_"Sam?" _His worried voice echoed in the empty hallway. _"You okay?"_

"Yes," I replied. "There's nothing here. I'll be waiting by the elevator."

I slowly slid down the wall, bringing my knees up to my chin. My head began to throb with the pressure of unshed tears. Then, I took deep breaths as hot tears fell down my cheeks. I sat up and, for the first time since that morning, pulled our wedding picture out of my pocket and looked hard at Jack. A scientist, I knew it was irrational to hope he could sense my thoughts, but I focused my thoughts on him anyway.

I let my eyes close, trying to remember the feel of his lips on mine -- my Jack, not the one I had just left. Instead, an image of him being flung across the monitor appeared in my mind. I cringed and tried to shake the feeling, but I found myself recalling the glimpse of level seventeen that I had just seen. Many teams had been sent up there to try to hold the line against the Jaffa. When they failed, we had known that we had no hope. When he fell, I knew part of me had died with him.

_"Sam? Sam, you there?"_

How long had Charlie been trying to get my attention? "I'm still here. Did you find. . ."

_"He's not here, Sam. I'm coming right down."_

The radio cut out, and I let it rest against my leg. "If Jack's not there..." I whispered into the stillness. Hope surged in my heart.

Charlie got off the elevator and sat down beside me. "You could be right about this thing. I looked all over where we saw him go down. He's not there, but he couldn't have gone very far with a staff weapon wound."

"Ya think? But it's been days. If he hasn't eaten in all that time..." The mess hall was too far, but- "Supply rooms! Jack could have found one with MREs and medical supplies." My mind scrambled for the locations of the things Jack would have needed.

"There's one up there." Charlie stood and offered a hand to help me up. I took it, and with new resolve, walked toward the stairwell.

"Sam?" Charlie was about to press the elevator button.

"I know that Jack's not there, but I still don't want to revisit the place I saw him go down." I opened the door, and jogged up the stairwell. At the top, I held my breath.

I stepped out. The smell wasn't as bad in this part of the level. I ran down the hall to the storage room, taking shallow breaths.

"Here, let me." Charlie said, with his hand on the doorknob. He stepped into the small room and searched behind each shelf. "Hey, there's someone here, but it's not Jack."

I tentatively stepped closer to Charlie, not sure if I wanted to see, but at least he didn't smell as bad as the others. "He hasn't been dead as long, I think." He was dressed as a Goa'uld, not Jaffa. Why was he there?

"Look here, Sam!" Charlie held up a box of protein bars. There were at least a dozen missing.

"The question is: Who ate these?"

"Assuming Jack did, where would he go from here?" I pressed the call button on the radio.

"General?"

_"Any luck, Doctor?"_

"Well, it looks like he may have gotten away somehow and possibly eaten something. He may be very weak -- too weak to realize that he's safe now -- or even unconscious. Can you try the P.A. again, maybe remind him of his radio and that we're looking for him?"

I released the button. I knew that he didn't need me to tell him how to do his job, but he wasn't about to tell me that in my state.

Charlie and I stepped out into the corridor, listening to Hammond's second announcement. If Jack was conscious, he would hear. I was hoping that he would believe Hammond and let us find him. I wondered about the sandy-haired man in the storage room. Why was he so far away from the rest of the group?

Our radios crackled._ "Sam?" _The voice was faint, but unmistakable.

"Jack! Where are you? Oh, you're alive!"

_"Infirm. . .ary." _

I was running.

Everything was forgotten, even Charlie, until he jumped into the elevator behind me.

"I'm on my way, honey." I hugged Charlie, but this time for happiness and not grief. "Jack, we're on our way." The elevator doors opened, and I sprinted to the infirmary.

I practically flew through the doors, hoping anxiously that he was near. "Oh, Jack!" I bent down to hold him. "Jack, I love you. I thought. . ."

"I love you, too, Sammie." Jack's eyes closed, but he continued to breathe softly. A moment later, his eyes opened, and a metallic voice spoke through his lips.

"Leave us alone."


	2. Love Endures All Things

**Chapter 2: Love Endures All Things**

"Jack!" I screamed. Charlie pulled his gun, but I grabbed his arm. "No, wait!"

Charlie kept his gun on Jack while using the walkie-talkie. "Hammond! Intruder in the infirmary."

Jack closed his eyes again, and when he spoke, it was him. "Kawalski, don't worry. He's an ally."

"Jack, we don't know that you're . . . you." Charlie looked between Jack and me as he spoke.

Hammond came in moments later, demanding an explanation.

"Sir," Jack still sounded weak, but he was resolved. "He healed me. I was dying."

"Colonel, how can we know you're telling the truth. That's a Goa'uld!"

"Look, General. I'm not going to try to fight you on this. He is part of a resistance group within the Goa'uld. He can explain it later. Can I sleep now?"

"Major Kawalski, stand guard. When Jack O'Neill wants to stay in the infirmary, you know something's wrong."

I was stunned. I looked at the silent form of my husband -- my husband, who the day before I had thought was dead. Now. . . now he might be lost to me anyway. Any resolve I might have had to be strong was melting away as tears welled up in my eyes. Devastated, I turned to leave, and General Hammond took my arm.

"Doctor, would you come-"

"We are not Goa'uld. I am Lantash of the Tok'ra." I heard the Goa'uld speaking again and refused to face him. "My former host was dying, and I chose to enter O'Neill in an attempt to save both of our lives."

Hammond remained doubtful. "Would you mind telling us how you avoided being taken by Thor in the first place?"

Jack took a difficult breath. "In all honesty, I cannot. Perhaps our life signs were too weak. I dared not leave my host while the enemy was present, but my host, Martouf, recognized that the damage he had sustained from your projectile weapons would be impossible to heal, while staff blasts are sometimes less difficult. We admired O'Neill's bravery, and recognized his leadership. Together, we may better fight against our common enemy, the Goa'uld."

Jack looked worn out by the exertion required to speak for so long. He closed his eyes again and murmured, "Weird."

"Do you think we have a common ally that could verify your claim?" Hammond asked.

Jack looked like he was deep in thought a moment. "The Tollans, the Nox, the Asgard?"

Again, hope! "General, the Asgard left us a communication device. If he's telling the truth, we can just ask them if they have ever heard of the Tok'ra."

"The sn- the symbiote says that his fellow Tok'ra could identify him."

"And who'll identify them?" Charlie demanded.

"You can ask the Asgard to give them some kind of password, and they can say it on a certain frequency before they enter the Chapa'ai."

I felt myself sigh a little. It sounded reasonable. Even Charlie looked ready to accept the idea.

The General led me out of the infirmary, nodding to Kawalski to stay there. "Sam, I didn't want to say this in front of . . . but, Jack has been compromised. Hopefully, the Asgard will be able to corroborate his story, and maybe they can help us get our people back from the Beta Site while they're at it."

"Yes, sir."

"The SGA will no longer be a secret to the rest of the world. A lot of changes will need to be made. I'm afraid I'm going to be relying heavily on you until we get our people back."

I nodded, my eyes glued to the infirmary door, and his voice drifted into my consciousness. "You probably shouldn't talk to him until we know. . . it'll be better this way."

"I know." I answered, but I doubt I sounded convincing.

"Let's go see if we can get a hold of those little gray men again."

* * *

"Yes, General Hammond. The Tok'ra are a resistance group who oppose the System Lords. I can help you to contact them so they can verify the identity of the one called 'Lantash.' In the mean time, I will see if the Nox will help you to communicate with the rest of your people."

The General and I were standing in the Control Room, conversing with a hologram of Thor.

"Thank you, Thor." He answered. "Our whole planet owes you thanks."

Thor nodded his head, then the hologram blinked out.

* * *

Above us, NORAD personnel and a contingent from the Academy helped to clear out the human and alien remains. If there were surviving relatives, they deserved a body to bury. So many families were denied even that in the large cities destroyed from orbit.

I did my best to help out, but I couldn't hide from my own pain. In the two days since we had found him, Jack was making a lot of progress. Charlie said that he was walking around, devouring any food he could, and asking about me . . . a lot. He certainly wasn't acting like a typical Goa'uld.

I worked on the dialing computer, adding the addresses that Captain Carter had stored on the removable hard drive. They had gotten those addresses when Jack -- the other Jack -- had found some technology left by the Ancients.

That other Jack . . . so sweet and kind, so vulnerable, and yet, he demanded so much of his "Carter." I had asked him if he saw her as anything but a subordinate. He had let his military training answer for him, but when he let me cry onto his shoulder, I knew it wasn't his first time. He held me closer than he would a stranger, and I sensed that he was thinking of his Captain, even as I remembered my husband.

A light flashed behind me, and I spun in my seat to see the newly-familiar form of Thor's hologram. "Dr. Carter." He said with a nod. General Hammond appeared just as I was about to call for him.

"What the -- Thor?"

"Yes, General Hammond. I have spoken with the Tok'ra, and they will be initiating contact momentarily."

"How will we . . ." I was cut off by the sound of the Stargate being activated.

"Thor," the General looked doubtful, "can you know for certain that those are the Tok'ra?"

"They will broadcast a message through the Stargate before they attempt to enter."

"Doctor, go ahead and close the iris."

I complied and found the pre-arranged frequency.

"Receiving, Sir." I heard the beginning of the message in my earpiece before transferring the signal to the speakers.

"... Council, please respond. This is Midron of the Tok'ra, please respond."

Hammond took the microphone. "This is General Hammond of the United States Air Force. Do you have the password?"

The voice answered with the correct phrase, and Thor nodded. Hammond replied, "We will open our iris for you now."

He nodded to me, and I opened the iris. A few moments later, two dusty figures emerged from the event horizon.

I hurried down the stairs to the 'gateroom, the general following closely. The pair standing on the ramp didn't show much emotion. I glanced at Hammond, and he was analyzing them, too. "Welcome to the SGA. The Asgard tell us that you fight against the System Lords?"

"That is correct."

I cringed at the answer in that alien voice, but the man's smile held no menace. He regarded me briefly before turning again to Hammond.

"You say that one of our operatives has taken one of you as a host?"

"It looks that way." I answered, remembering the voice from my husband telling me his name was Lantash.

"We will see him."

Hammond gestured to the door, and said, "I'll lead the way."

I took up the rear of our entourage, and the four of us were silent until we reached the elevator.

Hammond broke the silence by introducing me.

"I am Midron," said the one who had been doing all the talking so far, "and this is Aldwin."

Finally, we reached the infirmary. Jack appeared to be sleeping, and my breath caught because he looked so much like his old self just then. I nervously walked to his side, but still not too close. I looked back to Hammond, who was keeping our guests just outside; then, I leaned down. "Jack?" I softly called, trying to wake him gently.

"Sammie?" he whispered, "I've missed you, baby."

He reached for my hand, and I let him take it, so angry with myself for letting him down, no matter what had been done to him. "I'm sorry. I've missed you, too."

I was leaning even closer to kiss him, until I remembered why I hadn't before. I froze, then took a step back. "Um, Jack, you have company."

General Hammond met my eyes, and nodded, letting the Tok'ra enter. I eyed Jack warily. He bowed his head, and I caught a glimpse of the glow in his eyes.

"Greetings, brethren."

The strangers replied in the Goa'uld language, and it was frightening to hear them speak in that language with those inhuman voices. Lantash, however, always replied in English, meeting my gaze frequently. Maybe he was a good Goa'uld, like Thor had said. Last week, I had never considered that there could be a friendly Jaffa, but I had met one, and now good Goa'ulds. It seemed impossible, but I wanted to believe.

Lantash must have convinced the others to let their hosts speak, too, because the next time one of them spoke, it was with the comforting, human voice.

"General Hammond, we need to interrogate the symbiote to be sure he is who he says he is. The mate of the host may remain here if she wishes."

The General looked at me. I looked at Jack. He spoke to me in his own voice, holding his right arm out to me. "C'mere, honey. It's okay."

"Are you sure?" I asked, stepping toward him again.

He reached his arm around my waist. "Remember when I told you about some of the things I had to do in special ops?"

I nodded.

"Some of the things Lantash says may be unpleasant, but they're part of who he is, just like those missions are part of who I am." He squeezed me a little closer to himself. "Okay?"

I took a breath, and answered, "Yeah."

* * *

After the interrogation, the Tok'ra were satisfied that the symbiote really was Lantash, but the ordeal had taken a lot out of Jack emotionally. He had spoken in English the entire time, except for once when he reverted to the Goa'uld language. I figured if it was that bad, I didn't want to know.

As they left him to rest, he gently squeezed my hand. "Sammie, take me back to our quarters."

"Jack, are you sure? The doctor --"

"Tell the doctor that the symbiote has healed me. I just want to sleep in private."

I ran my fingers over his hair before I left. The substitute doctor tried to argue, but he had seen that Jack wasn't really sleeping well. Within the hour, I had led my husband back to the quarters that had been our only home since our anniversary.

Janet had taken our things with her to the Beta Site, expecting us to join her. The room was very bare, but that was good -- there had been nothing for the invading Jaffa to ransack.

There still was a bed with warm blankets, and we settled in alone together for the first time since the day I'd thought I'd lost him. He gently held me, and it seemed like it had been forever since we had simply kissed. I lay my head on his chest, and he put an arm around me. I couldn't remember the last time that I had felt so safe.

"So," he began softly as he rubbed his thumb over my shoulder, "we learned a lot about Lantash today."

"Yep. We did. He was brave to infiltrate Apophis' ship."

"Is there anything else you'd like to know more about? As long as it isn't classified, of course."

"There is one thing. Who is Jolinar?"

* * *

The next day, I sat in the control room, monitoring systems and keeping an eye out for IDCs.

The first batch of leaders and scientists had returned from the Alpha Site that morning, followed by some SGA personnel. I sniffed the flower that Cassie had brought back for me, and smiled when I recalled the warm welcome that she and Janet had received from Charlie. It was a few-minute lull between incoming groups; there was relative quiet, and Jack was looking up at me with a broad grin.

Greeting returning people was not the most exciting thing he had ever done, but that morning, before he had even gotten out of bed, he had made it clear that he had to do something after being in the infirmary for all those days.

As the Stargate began to activate, he winked at me. I turned my attention to the monitors, watching for the IDC. When one hadn't appeared within a few seconds of activation, I closed the iris.

Jack looked up at me with concern, but didn't attempt a verbal answer. He understood the precaution. There was no way I was going to let him stand there, vulnerable but for his Beretta and a zat'n'ktel that we had recovered during clean-up. I'd feel much better once we had a full complement of SF's again.

What I finally heard was coming in on the frequency the Tok'ra had used. I had missed the beginning of the message, but I caught that it was urgent and for Lantash. I opened the iris and replied that they could come through. Over the P.A. to the gateroom, I said, "It's the Tok'ra."

My heart didn't quite skip a beat this time when he lowered his head and acquiesced control to his symbiote. I was troubled by disturbing thoughts about the Tok'ra, especially Jolinar, but now wasn't the time for that.

I paged our guests to the gateroom, and also requested Hammond and a replacement for me to the control room. A moment later, the operative appeared through the gate. He looked very concerned, and that was saying a lot for these people. As soon as Hammond arrived, I excused myself to get down to Jack. If there was an urgent message for him, then I wanted to be there. I arrived in the gateroom just behind the others. Jack put an arm around me as I approached his side.

The newcomer had greeted the Tok'ra, but merely inclined his head to me before speaking. "Jolinar has gone down on Netu."

I felt Jack flinch, and although I didn't comprehend the significance of the place, I knew that being shot down is never a good thing.

"Is she alright?" Lantash asked, Jack's face contorted with pain.

"She sent a brief distress signal before she entered the atmosphere, but she didn't want to broadcast a longer message that would be more easily traced."

"So, what do we know?"

"Only that she was going down."

"Not if she landed?" He was squeezing my arm, now.

"I'm sorry. We don't know."

Jack put his head down and pulled lightly away from me. Lantash spoke with barely controlled emotion. "I can be ready to go in thirty minutes."

Leaving me trailing behind him, he swept up to the control room, and was already leaving as I hit the top step. His strength and speed were clearly more than human. I had barely stopped, myself, before blurting, "General, I need to go with him!"

"Sam?"

"Sir, I'm going to have a hard enough time convincing Jack. I can't let him leave without me."

"Permission granted, but . . . be careful."

"Thank you," I answered, hoping that I hadn't already missed Jack in our quarters.

The elevator was there when I arrived. During the brief ride up, I considered that Jack had probably pushed the call button, then had gotten impatient and run to the nearest stairwell.

In our quarters, Jack was packing a duffle bag.

"What do I need to bring?" I asked, going to the overnight bag that Janet had just brought back with her.

"Sam!" He stopped, staring at me with pain and something like anger.

"Jack?" My resolve weakened just a degree.

"No, Sam, it's too dangerous."

"You're going."

"I have to go. I love her."

"And I love you!" I answered, steeling myself against the pain his statement had caused.

He must have seen the pain in my eyes, because he dropped the bag, and pulled me into a tight embrace.

"Oh, Sam. Oh, my sweet Samantha, I'm sorry."

The tears that I'd been holding back, burst forth at his words. He stroked my back, saying my name over and over.

After a few moments, he held me just a bit away from him, and dropped a light kiss onto my lips. "Sam, I love you, and I should know better than to underestimate you. Part of me is afraid of loosing the two people most important to me at the same time, but you deserve the chance to come be a part of my new life."

* * *

Kawalski must have also gotten wind of our impromptu trip, because he and Janet met us in the gateroom as the gate was dialing.

"No, Charlie," Jack was firm this time. "You're place is here. You might have never seen Janet and Cassie again when you stayed to take care of Sam when you thought I was dead. I'll never forget that, but you don't know how dangerous this is. Now that she's here, you should be with your fiancé."

Charlie's gaze softened as it fell on Janet. He could be as closed as Jack when he wanted to be, but Janet had opened something in his heart, and it showed.

"Of course I want to be here with them, but . . . are you sure?" The gate activated. Neither man seemed to notice.

"Yes." Jack gave him a light punch on the shoulder. "I'd never forgive myself if I let you get killed before your wedding."

The hint of a grin lit Charlie's features. "You'd better not leave me without a best man."

I hugged Janet, who then shoved two canteens of water in my hands. "Take care of each other."

Nodding, I answered, "You too."

We turned to join the Tok'ra at the foot of the ramp. Moments later, we were stepping out onto a sandy landscape.

"This is the ship we will take to the planet." Aldwin said, indicating a Tel'tac a short distance away.

"How exactly are we going to accomplish this rescue?" asked Jack, as we neared the ship.

"We are not sure yet." Aldwin answered.

"Not what I wanted to hear."


	3. Love Never Fails

**Chapter 3: Love Never Fails**

In an area of the ship converted for sleeping, the Tok'ra's benches were set up, and after the long day, each of us went to sleep quickly. Well, Jack didn't; and I didn't stay asleep long.

I woke up almost able to sense his unrest. I slid off the bench and laid a hand on his shoulder. He understood my intention, because he stood, taking my hand and leading me to another part of the ship. For a moment, I wondered how he knew so much about this particular refitted ship, but I was finally getting used to the knowledge that it wasn't really Jack that knew it. It was Lantash, and he was letting Jack speak, which made me feel better.

"I need you to help me figure this out. This is information overload to my poor brain. I need a better brain like yours to help."

I grinned. His attempt at self-deprecation was intended to distract me, make me feel needed. It almost worked. "Jack, as much as that makes me feel better sometimes, this is not one of those times. I need to know that we are going to make it through this."

He took a deep breath. "Sam, only one person has ever escaped from Netu. It is a hellish moon, and it is inhospitable to any life."

"Who was that person?"

"Jolinar." His eyes were filled with emotion. "Martouf, Lantash's previous host, had been with Rosha for six years before the mission. Neither had known another's love until they came together, and she was one of Jolinar's most beautiful hosts. We knew that the mission would be dangerous, but he wasn't prepared for the way she'd come back changed. It scares me that something like that could happen to you."

I turned in his arms so he could hold me closer. "What's going to happen, Jack? I mean, who are you married to?"

"Sam, this is a very unusual situation. I don't have an answer for you right now. I still love you, honey." He tightened his arms around me. We were both quiet for several minutes, and then Jack spoke again. "She spoke highly of us."

"Who?" I asked, twisting to see his face again.

"Jolinar. While being pursued by an Ask'rak -- a Goa'uld assassin -- Rosha died, and Jolinar took a host on Nassia."

"Nassia? Didn't we evacuate a Nassian village?"

"Yes, we did, and one of those villagers was Jolinar. She got a good look at some of our operations while she was on the base, and she was impressed. In fact, it was her persuasion that led to this assignment. It was also her description of the Colonel, me, that prompted Martouf to offer his life for mine. when it was unclear if either of us would live."

"Wow." I breathed, trying to imagine the whole scenario.

"Yeah. When she came back with a new host, Martouf was devastated at the news of Rosha's death. They found a host, allowed the temporary one to return home, and Joniah has been Jolinar's host for over a year.

Again, I tried to comprehend the whole situation. "So much loss. . ."

"Yes," he again drew closer, "the Tok'ra way of life is dangerous and unpredictable."

"I'm afraid."

"Sam. . . Sammie?"

I nodded against his chest.

"My life has never been safe or predictable."

"I know." How could I not?

"We will have a lot to figure out, but that will have to come later -- after this mission, and after you get some sleep."

"Yes, Sir." I teased, and fell asleep in his arms.

* * *

Six hours from Netu, we began to brainstorm again.

"Why is Netu considered impenetrable?" I asked

Aldwin answered. "It is said that ships cannot survive the descent into the atmosphere."

"How does anyone get down there?"

Lantash flinched. "Those condemned are sent in descent pods."

"How do they survive?"

"The pods are designed for one-way travel. It doesn't matter if the systems are damaged. A ship may survive the trip down, but no one wants to take the chance of not getting back up."

"So, we could increase the shielding over the forward portion of the ship."

Aldwin shook his head. "The descent pods only have to protect a small craft, and the design is sleek. This ship is old; we probably wouldn't even survive the landing."

Jack leaned back with a defeated look. "We knew it would be dangerous, but we came anyw-"

Aldwin interrupted again. "We came to extract the intelligence. Jolinar knew the risks, and she would want us to have the information in any case."

"But we are going to attempt a rescue. There is always a Plan B." He looked at me.

I considered the assets of a Tel'tac. "Do we know what kind of ship Jolinar was in?"

"In all likelihood, it's a Tel'tac. Last time, we found her in this very ship."

"What about the rings?"

"Of course!" Aldwin's face brightened. "The rings will bypass the atmosphere altogether. The only problem will be-"

"If that system has been damaged." Jack interrupted, then quickly dismissed the idea. "It's our best shot. That's Plan A."

* * *

Because the ship didn't have a cloaking device, we had to be careful as we entered the system. We were all nervous as we dropped out of hyperdrive. We slowed with the moon between us and the planet.

I heard Aldwin broadcast some kind of Tok'ra code on the emergency frequency. We silently waited for a response.

A few minutes later, he tried again. For a moment there was nothing, but suddenly, a burst of static shattered the silence. Jolinar wasn't going to give anything away to the enemy. There was no message, but the signal was enough to locate its source.

Lantash took control and sent a brief reply, telling her to sit tight. There was no response, but he didn't seem surprised or worried. Jolinar was Tok'ra to the core, and would bravely sacrifice herself before letting weakness give the enemy any advantage.

Jack was in command mode. No one questioned him as he made sure we all were in position for the dangerous rescue. I watched him recheck his pack of medical supplies. He had a new grace beneath his strength. It suited him, as did the vocabulary that Lantash had supplemented Jack's with.

For the first time, I found myself feeling admiration for Lantash. It scared me at first. It seemed disloyal to my husband, but Lantash was part of him now. The night I had asked about Jolinar, he'd said that they loved as one. Surely Jack's love for me was still in there, and it couldn't hurt to learn to love Lantash as he must be experiencing Jack's love for me.

We tensely waited as Aldwin maneuvered us closer to the moon. When we were in orbit over the source of the signal, Lantash accessed the short-range communicator, which would be harder to trace. "We're in orbit, and we don't have cloak. We're ready to leave as soon as you've ringed up."

The answering silence was tense. Aldwin watching for signs we'd been seen, and the rest of us waited for the rings to activate.

Instead, there was a second static burst with a single word at the end. "Can't."

Jack paled. Her distress was obvious even to me, and I'd never heard her voice before. "Are the rings damaged?"

More tense silence, another static burst. "No."

"We're on our way."

Jack sprinted to the ring room with his pack. He called for Aldwin to engage the rings, and he did the instant Midron and I stood within the circle.

As soon as we'd rematerialized, Jack dashed past us, and he was on his knees before his cry of grief brought Midron and I to his side. We had located Jolinar by her signal, but hadn't visually confirmed that she was, indeed, even in a Tel'tac. The image before me would have answered a lot of the questions that had flown through my brain while in orbit. I'd assumed she was injured, but my brain was sluggish to process the sight of the woman half-crushed beneath the wreckage of her ship.

The lower half of Joniah's body was buried under rubble. The pain it must have caused her to reach up to the control panel was unthinkable.

"Jolinar! Joniah!" His voice was quieter, soothing, but still full of sorrow. I couldn't help the tears that formed at the sight. He had one hand under her head, and the other was stroking her face.

For the first time, compassion had totally overridden jealousy, but now I was torn about what to do. I wanted to try to help, but I could see that there wasn't much I could do. I held my breath as she began to speak.

"You . . . not Martouf."

"No, beloved. Martouf died in battle, but I live on in this Tauri warrior. You remember him?"

She weakly raised a hand to Jack's face. "Colonel O'Neill, of the Tauri. You rescued me on Nassia." She coughed and lowered her hand. He grasped it.

"Yes, though he did not know it."

The ground beneath us rumbled.

"Jolinar, can we get you out of here?"

She shook her head slightly. "My legs . . . are crushed. Kiss me goodnight."

Lantash tenderly brought his lips down to hers, but when she closed her eyes, he pleaded, "No!"

"I cannot survive. Joniah is almost gone."

"Wait!" I demanded. "Can you take another host?"

Jack looked up at me in shock. Joniah's eyes began to close again.

"Don't let her give up." I implored. "Can she?"

When her eyes opened, Joniah spoke. "Yes. I cannot live any longer, but Jolinar will live on in you. Do you understand what it is to be Tok'ra?"

I thought back to the previous night's conversation. "Yes."

"I can't leave you to die." Lantash continued to stroke her face. Dark hair framed her pain-filled countenance, and her lips formed a sad smile.

"I loved Martouf, but he never really stopped mourning Rosha. This is better. Hurry now." As Joniah's eyes closed, Midron led me to her side, and helped me kneel beside her.

Jack braced me with one arm, and held one of Joniah's hands. "This will hurt a little. Close your eyes, and open your mouth."

I obeyed, and suddenly I felt a horrible choking feeling. I nearly passed out, but Jack held me tightly.

"Sam, Jolinar, are you okay?"

"Yeah." My voice sounded weak, but it was still my voice.

"And Jolinar?"

'I'm here, Samantha.' It felt strange to hear her answer in my mind. "She said she's here."

I watched as Lantash said good-bye to Joniah, kissing her closed eyelids.

'It is as it should be. They will mourn her, and we will too.' I was filled with Jolinar's grief for Joniah -- the sadness I'd feel for a sister, though I had only known her for a few brief moments.

I looked up when I heard Lantash ask a question in Goa'uld. I nodded my head in response to Jolinar's prompting, and heard myself answer in the alien language. I knew that I was reciting a vow of love, and I felt a new warmth fill me as I waited to regain control.

As I tried to find my voice, Aldwin's filled the room. "_We have incomings_!"

"Now!" Midron's command cut through our grief. "I've purged the computer of sensitive information."

"Sokar!" I had no idea why it was so urgent, but Jolinar reminded me. "We have to warn the council."

I tried to get up, but started to sway. Jack moved to steady me. "We'll talk about that back on the ship. Can you walk?"

"Yeah." I answered, taking tentative steps toward the rings. "Come on."

My bravado didn't last long, though, and Jack swept me into his arms where unconsciousness finally took me.

* * *

I woke up inside a humming ship. Jack knelt beside me, and I could barely hear the sounds of the other three.

"Sam?"

It was so good to hear his voice, and I smiled languidly. "Jack."

"I told you it would work out."

"So, we escaped Sokar's forces?"

"We're making minor repairs, but I want you to let the Tok'ra handle this for now."

"I am Tok'ra."

Jack looked pleasantly surprised, and I was too. 'Well, we are.' Jolinar said to me. I asked her if she made me say that. 'No, child, but I suggested it.'

"That you are, sweetie," Jack finally spoke, "but you should rest. The blending will be easiest that way."

"Okay, but before I do, we must warn the council. Sokar has amassed a large fleet -- large enough to challenge the System Lords. He's going to attack."

My head fell back onto the small pillow, and I vaguely heard Jack relaying my message to Aldwin.

He gently waked me with his hand on my forehead. "You both are very brave."

"Kiss me goodnight?"

Jack blinked at this echo of Joniah, but lovingly touched his lips to mine. "Goodnight, beloved."

* * *

I awoke and blinked, bringing Jack's face into focus. My throat hurt, but I managed to gasp out his name.

I silently thanked Janet as Jack handed me a canteen, allowing me to soothe the dryness in my mouth and throat.

"Did we finally make it off Netu?" I asked.

"Yep, and we're on our way home . . . via Vorash."

"Of course." I remembered the sandy planet, and then crystalline tunnels that I hadn't seen on our brief stay. I carefully tried to sit up, and Jack gingerly helped me.

"How're you feelin', baby?" He slid one arm around my shoulders.

"Pretty good, I think."

"Good." He cupped my cheek and lowered his head. I parted my lips, responding without fear, savoring the restoration of trust between us. When he ended the kiss, we took a deep breath at the same time, and I couldn't help but smirk at the comedy of the situation. He gently nudged me beneath a rib, and I sagged into healing giggles of relief.

After we'd both calmed down, I looked seriously into his eyes. "So, I guess we have a lot to talk about."

"Yes. We have two allegiances now, but only one love."

I nodded, feeling anew Jolinar's loss of Joniah, but still unable to fully quash the selfish relief that I was, once again, Jack's only wife. "Have I mentioned how poetic Lantash has made you?"

Jack responded to my teasing with mock offense, but I could tell he was pleased. "We do have a lot to talk about, but that can wait until we're back on Vorash."

"I guess that will give Jolinar and I a chance to . . . connect?"

"Sure."

* * *

Jack had taken the hint and given me some time alone. Jolinar led me in a journey of sorts to help me make sense of all that had just happened to me. We both felt strong ties to our homes and our work, but Jolinar was an eloquent advocate for the Tok'ra cause and the mutual benefits of a Tok'ra/Tauri alliance.

The Tok'ra didn't seem big on privacy, though, and that made me uneasy at first, but Jolinar gently led me on a tour of some of the secret places she and Lantash had found over the decades. 'Were you ever caught?' I asked.

'In over a century, only once by the night watch, and a time or two by an urgent alarm, but even without doors, we are generally careful about wandering into each other's rooms at night. You'll be fine.'

'What about children?'

Sadness. 'Oh, Sam!' There were no more coherent thoughts, only I suddenly understood that I could never have a family, and that Jolinar was sorry Lantash hadn't had a chance to tell me.

I wept bitter tears.

My senses all turned inward, I had no idea how much time passed before I felt Jack beside me. Slowly opening myself back up to the world around me, I knew his arms held me, and I let him coax my head to his chest where the tears fell freely for a several minutes, then slowed. He stroked my hair and pulled a blanket up over us. Jack and Jolinar comforted me with soothing words until the intense feeling of loss abated, and I looked at my strong yet gentle husband.

"What's wrong?" he whispered.

"Oh," I sniffed, and wiped the back of my hand across my nose. "I can't . . . we can't . . . have children."

"Sam." My name was a breath on his lips; his heartbreak for me was evident in that single syllable.

"Yeah," I shook my head, "I mean, I've always known that our work is dangerous, but I drew strength from the thought that some day I'd give it up to raise a couple of kids."

"Lots of people choose not to have children . . ."

"Yes, but I didn't choose-" I cut myself short. "I didn't know what I was choosing, except that I chose you, and I can never regret that."

His smile broadened. "So, does this make our decision easier?"

"Kinda. Without the kids, the white picket fence loses most of its appeal."

"Yeah. Besides, you're going to love Vorash."

"The crystalline tunnels?"

"How did you know about the -- right. Actually, I meant the sand."

**Epilogue**

After being cleared by the Tok'ra and then by Janet, Jack and Sam had been granted two weeks to organize their lives before leaving Earth.

Janet had said that she, Charlie, and Cassie had left a surprise for them at their house. The symbiotes asked many questions during the short trip into Colorado Springs. They had never seen things like cars on highways or buildings like the homes in the O'Neills' neighborhood.

Upon arrival, Jack first unlocked the door, then swept Sam into his arms to carry her inside. The house had a pleasant feel to it, the air fresh and the surfaces clean. Back on her feet, Sam ran a hand along a shelf and found it dust-free. "Janet and Cassie must have done a lot of work around here."

The couple walked into the kitchen. Jack opened cupboard doors and peeked into the refrigerator. "We have some great friends." When Sam didn't answer right away, he joined her beside the back door. "I'm going to miss them, too."

Sam smiled up at him and kissed him briefly. "Let's go see the rest of the house."

Everything else was forgotten when they opened the door to the bedroom. The bed had been made with fresh, luxurious sheets; and the dressers held candles that, even unlit, filled the room with a sweet scent.

Sam sighed, nestling into her husband's shoulder. He stood, breathing in the scents of the candles and his wife's shampoo. She moved one hand up to the back of his head and he began to finger her long strands in return. The longing for each other was resonating in each touch, and crescendoed with their kiss.

For a moment, Jolinar was silent in Sam's mind. Both souls reveled in the pure love of that first passion-filled kiss. For Sam, it had been weeks since she'd been relaxed enough for an all-consuming kiss, and for Jolinar, it had been much longer.

Desire filled four hearts simultaneously as the kiss heated and the human bodies began to respond to the arousal. There would be time for lighting the candles and playing the music later. Neither cared about those peripheral things just then. Their own need was enhanced by the symbiotes. While their need was physically different, it was just as real -- and it drove them.

It only took moments for them to reach the bed, and they met in celebration of their reunion.

Soon, spent and sated, they rested together, Sam's head resting on Jack's chest. For the first time in several minutes, she heard Jolinar's thoughts, and she giggled.

"What's the giggling about, Sam?" Jack lazily asked.

"She said you are strong and your hands are sure. She also likes the hair."

Jack didn't answer right away. "Do you want to know what he thinks about you?"

She nodded, grinning.

"He said that you were born to be a Tok'ra. Your passion and commitment make your soul as alluring as your body. He also says that after a hundred years, there's a thing or two they can show us if we'll let them."

For only the third time, Sam gave full control of her body to Jolinar. She saw Jack's eyes literally glow with Lantash's passion, and she was breathless with the ardor of these fully-united lovers.

It was surreal to feel her body again responding with pleasure to her husband's but in a way she had never experienced before. She had expected her senses to be dulled, but instead they were heightened.

By her moves and his touches, she knew that the symbiotes were drawing on their hosts' intimate knowledge of each other, but as the passion slowly built, there was a rhythm that was new and amazing. There was love felt within and expressed without that was too deep to comprehend.

Then, in the early evening dimness, there came a moment when four hearts cried out in pure love and joy as one.

THE END


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